Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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