After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
