Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
