Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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