im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
