i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
