....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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