i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can I color on your dick again?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
