i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
