Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
