and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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