My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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