Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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