you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
