Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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