I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girls should come with a carfax report
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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