I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
