she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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