So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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