I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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