Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
