She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
