Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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