I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
