I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
