he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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