Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize