Yo dont text me then not text me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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