Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm like, not good at living.