Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea