That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.