Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.