When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?