I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?