Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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