I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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