you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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