I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
