No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize