I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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