Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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