Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
