this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
