Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
