I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
