hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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