Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
