well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You ruined the universe
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
