shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
