Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
