Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
