I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wanna go halves on a baby?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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