I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
