I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Text me some of your sweat
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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