More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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