dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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