So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
