Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
