It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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