I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.