I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dating After Heartbreak
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?