Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.