He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?