In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”