Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
