She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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