he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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