i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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