So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
